We now know who will contest the final of the FIFA Budweiser-McDonalds-Sony-
In the Red-with-snazzy-blue-shorts-
Of the two, the Netherlands are regarded as the outsider but at the end of the day it’s only 11 v 11 and there is only so much hypnotic death-by-a-thousand-cuts style of tip-tap-tip-tap passing tiki-strangulation that the Dutch will endure before comedy villain Mark van Bommel will crack, come steaming in on some poor unsuspecting Spanish midfielder, sending him crashing into the advertising hoardings by way of a solid boot in the ar5e with a size 12 clog.
Either way, we are going to have a new World Cup winner with neither country having managed to reach the pinnacle of World Football before. And that has surely got to be good for the game.
But let’s spare a moment for the losers of the semis. Probably the worst game in any tournament to lose, the Germans and the Uruguayans have been sent home at the penultimate hurdle left to rue what might have been. There’s no doubt that the good people of Montevideo will rightfully welcome their team back to a heroes return with dancing on the streets, copious dancing and singing with Grappamiel flowing faster than a Jubulani ball into row Z.
The Germans, however, are a more pragmatic bunch and after having been played off the park by the relentless sideway passing of the Spanish it transpired that Paul “the oracle” Octopus had predicted the result, leading to mass outcry and a move for the octopus to be turned into calamari; although considering that it was the Spanish who sent the Germans home, surely paella would be a better option?
But then here’s the thing:
In some cruel form of FIFA-inspired torture neither of these scenarios have transpired yet because we still have the 3rd and 4th place play-off to consider. A game that is generating little interest, save for the fact that it provides a convenient way for us to determine who receives the 30 dollars from the sweep for 4th place and who gets the 50 dollars for 3rd.
So as a reminder – here are the contestants who’s sweepstake destiny will be decided in the wee hours of Sunday morning.
In the shiny light blue corner sporting a dodgy hair-style and humming the epic and never-ending national anthem Himno Nacional Uruguayo we have Uruguay’s Antonio Michelatti
Whilst in the simple yet stunning black and white leiderhosen combo, standing sipping the super-strength lager from his moustache, we have YopMeister
Let the battle commence.