A Lesson in irony

As I have already said, this whole BelgiumIsBoring is supposed to be IRONIC. Do you get it? Probably not - but that is OK. It is not your fault 'Mijnheer / Mevrouw Irate Belgian'; it’s just one of the cards that fate has dealt you when you were born under that Black, Yellow and Red flag.



Let me explain.



When God made us all in His own image, everything was good.



But then we had those nutcases throw a spanner in the whole works by building their bloody great big tower in Babylon trying to get to heaven and before we know it, we’re all speaking in languages other than English.

(Of course everyone was speaking English beforehand!)



Some of us started wearing clogs and drinking milk, others thinking that eating onions, wearing berets and developing a lack of spine is suddenly en vogue; whilst even more others begin dumbing down with each generation born, talking loudly about things they don’t understand whilst mis-pronouncing words like aluminium (It’s AL-YOO-MIN-EEE-UMM for those in any doubt)



The Irish were 'blessed' with a frankly frightening capacity for alcohol consumption with an even more capacity for talking crap, largely with these two traits existing as all too comfortable bedfellows.



Our near neighbours, the English, were of course blessed with an endearing sense of travelling the seven seas, claiming anything they saw or came into contact with as their own. Not an entirely original idea, but for a while there, they became pretty damn good at it.

Until of course the natives, rather understandably, started rebelling once they realised their’s was a future that involved standing in orderly queues, suffering crap weather and following a crap football team and decided that this was not for them.



And then we come to the Belgians.



As time rolled on with each passing century the inhabitants of Europe went on a bit of a wander, occupying wherever they saw fit. Whether the locals liked it or not. For a lot of these wanderings, the locals would have been the Belgians (although of course we all know that the whole concept of a Belgian was only introduced to the world just a few short decades ago).



Sited where they are in the centre of Western Europe, the little piece of land that is now known as Belgium, has been a favourite hunting ground for all sorts of warmongers to take out their frustrations and have a bit of a scrap.



So there you have it – the Belgians were blessed with location. I suppose you could go as far as to say they’re the European equivalent of a 'Behind the Bike Sheds' of Europe with a short commute to the city and within driving distance to the airport, the coast and the big multi-cinema and retail village complex just erected on recently reclaimed green belt.



Rather unsurprisingly this has lead to a bit of an inferiority complex amongst your typical Belgian with national pride coming way down on a list of priorities that includes smothering their fries in bucket loads of mayonnaise, followed by indulging in mountains of chocolates and then washing it all down with vast amounts of life-threatening strength beer.



Does the life of a Belgian citizen really toe the stereotypical line?



As an ex-pat, I came to Belgium without knowing much more about Belgium other than the three things I have just outlined, save for perhaps the footballers Jean-Marie Pfaff and Enzo Scifo, and the fact that Anderlecht used to be a good team, Brugge played my beloved Liverpool in a final at Wembley and that Royal Antwerp FC played in a final at Wembley some time later.



We, as ex-pats have this rather arrogant attitude towards Europe and unfortunately many of us are of the opinion that Switzerland is the most boring country in Europe, with Belgium a very close 2nd. Hopefully with this ironically titled corner of cyberspace I will help to dispel these rumours.



Although if anything - I’m more likely to end up having everyone running off to Switzerland for Toblerone and cuckoo clocks. Because that’s all they do there, am I right?

A disclaimer to the country of Belgium

Originally from Ireland, I now find myself living in Antwerp, Belgium after spending a few years working in a few different places – some of them glamorous (Gothenberg, Boston, Frankfurt and Milan), some of them less glamorous (Basingstoke, Welwyn Garden City, Manchester and Slough – no offence David Brent).



After graduating from university back home, I started a job with a company that sent me to Belgium on my first day of employment for what was supposed to be 4 weeks intensive training.

A total of 1 year and 1 day later they moved me on to England, for rasons to this day I’m still not sure of.



Now, ten years later, my life has turned full circle and I now find myself back in Antwerp again where I have donated a further 3 years of my precious life to Belgium and all that it has to offer.



This time however, was different.



This time, it was my choice to come here.



This time, I wasn’t some lazy good-for-nothing student, dreading the prospect of dedicating the next 40 years of his life to hard work and effort to actually BECOMING something but having resigned himself to the fact that it was what was sort of expected of him.



This time, I came to Belgium as a *sort of* well-travelled young man approaching his thirtieth year ready to settle down and build a life in a country where I felt I could be comfortable.



So there you have it – before I get all sorts of comments from irate Belgians (is there really such a thing that exists?) – I actually LIKE Belgium!



The whole “BelgiumIsBoring” thing is actually a wonderful example of that IRONIC humour that we are so famous for. “We” being the native English speaking people that inhabit those islands that look and let’s face it - sometimes behave like - a chip on the shoulder of Mainland Europe.



Ladies and Gentlemen of Belgium and beyond I give you……



THE BELGIUM IS BORING BLOG!

The Belgium is Boring Blog is Born!

Welcome to our Website!!



Belgium Is Boring (BIB) is a collection of endless rants from an obviously frustrated ex-pat, who has spent too many of the best years of his still young life living in that hotbed of bureaucracy - Belgium - or the 'Belly of the Beast' as we here at BIB like to think of it.



This person, who shall be forever known as The BIB-Master, in order to protect the guilty, will inform you - the waifs and strays of Cyberworld that have stumbled across this darkest corner of cyberspace, of the trials and tribulations of living as an ex-pat in the second largest city of Belgium, and diamond capital of the world - Antwerp.



Now whilst there are loads of ex-pat websites out there concerned with Brussels, and all the nonsense that goes on in that 'shitty'; it may come as a surprise to you Dearest Surfer that there is actually more to Belgium than a city full of civil servants doing bugger all to 'earn' their tax-payers provided salaries.



Granted there is not a lot more, but the BIB Masters would like to set the record straight - Just because Brussels is shit, doesn't mean that the rest of the country is as well.



Actually - a lot of it is, but we'll try not to dwell on that too much.



Updated on a totally sporadic nature depending on how pissed off our poor Belgian correspondent is, this website provides a therapeutical soundboard for our hapless reporter. Not to mention avoiding the high cost of psychiatric help that would otherwise be required.



So tune in regularly and please feel free to contact the BIB-Master with your own stories and contributions. He's obviously quite lonely and would love to hear from you...