World Cup Sweepstake 2010: It's a Wrap!

Well folks,

The dust has settled on the World Cup with a final that befitted the rest of the tournament: littered with fouls, play-acting, whingeing footballers, and leaving the referee with no option but to hand out cards like it was Christmas.

Now, I’m no professional footballer, what with the closest I got being a Sunday afternoon over 20 years ago where, along with a few mates, we broke into Dixon Park, the home of Ballyclare Comrades FC and played headers and volleys for a couple of hours until the village idiot saw us and phoned the police.

But what I do know is that the 120 minutes of football that a third of the world’s population tuned in to watch was an awful advert for the game that we all love so much.

From comedy villain Mark van Bommel and his tackles that were so late they could have been from a different time zone to de Jong opening a can of whoopass Jackie Chan style on Alonso, the Oranje successfully managed to break up the Spanish pass-pass-pass-pass-pass-pass-pass-pass-pass-pass-pass rhythm which meant that a lot of the HD super slo-mo replays were filled with images of growling Orangemen and whingeing Spaniards. Hardly the advert for the beautiful game that Jules Rimet envisaged all those years ago.

Then, with the clock winding down and the game looking like it was inevitably going to be decided by the dreaded penalty shoot-out (BTW – did you know the man who introduced the penalty kick into football was from Northern Ireland?) until, with 4 minutes left of extra time, up stepped Iniesta to crash home a volley which crushed the hopes of the Orangemen but must surely have been well-received by neutrals the world over.

Spain are the World Cup winners for the first time, the Netherlands are left as losing finalists for the third time. Which incidentally, won me 140 dollars for a cheeky 20 dollar bet that I placed a few weeks ago on Spain to win the tournament. Which just about covers all the other bets / sweeps that I've taken part in....

In the weekend’s other game (which was actually probably one of the better games of the tournament), Germany took third spot after beating Uruguay 3-2.

All of which leaves us with the sweepstake results:

1^st Natalie (Spain) 150 AUD

2^nd Ross (Netherlands) 90 AUD

3^rd Yoppy (Germany) 50 AUD

4^th Andrew (Uruguay) 30 AUD

Yours in Football.

World Cup Sweepstake 2010: Two to go...

So Folks,

We now know who will contest the final of the FIFA Budweiser-McDonalds-Sony-Samsung-Hyundai-we-all-knew-that-Spain-Would-Get-to-the-final World Cup and what do you know? After a journey that started 2 years ago with 204 hopeful qualifying nations, which was then whittled to 32 nations carrying the hopes and dreams of their respective countries into the Finals, we now are left with just the two contenders.

In the Red-with-snazzy-blue-shorts-and-a-little-bit-of-gold-trim corner we have the Spanish, whilst in the retina-scarring fluoro orange corner we have the Dutch, which to be fair, were two of the countries that many had been tipping before the tournament began to leave South Africa with the 14-inch gold trophy greedily held to their collective bosom.

Of the two, the Netherlands are regarded as the outsider but at the end of the day it’s only 11 v 11 and there is only so much hypnotic death-by-a-thousand-cuts style of tip-tap-tip-tap passing tiki-strangulation that the Dutch will endure before comedy villain Mark van Bommel will crack, come steaming in on some poor unsuspecting Spanish midfielder, sending him crashing into the advertising hoardings by way of a solid boot in the ar5e with a size 12 clog.

Either way, we are going to have a new World Cup winner with neither country having managed to reach the pinnacle of World Football before. And that has surely got to be good for the game.

But let’s spare a moment for the losers of the semis. Probably the worst game in any tournament to lose, the Germans and the Uruguayans have been sent home at the penultimate hurdle left to rue what might have been. There’s no doubt that the good people of Montevideo will rightfully welcome their team back to a heroes return with dancing on the streets, copious dancing and singing with Grappamiel flowing faster than a Jubulani ball into row Z.

The Germans, however, are a more pragmatic bunch and after having been played off the park by the relentless sideway passing of the Spanish it transpired that Paul “the oracle” Octopus had predicted the result, leading to mass outcry and a move for the octopus to be turned into calamari; although considering that it was the Spanish who sent the Germans home, surely paella would be a better option?

But then here’s the thing:

In some cruel form of FIFA-inspired torture neither of these scenarios have transpired yet because we still have the 3^rd and 4^th place play-off to consider. A game that is generating little interest, save for the fact that it provides a convenient way for us to determine who receives the 30 dollars from the sweep for 4^th place and who gets the 50 dollars for 3^rd.

So as a reminder – here are the contestants who’s sweepstake destiny will be decided in the wee hours of Sunday morning.

In the shiny light blue corner sporting a dodgy hair-style and humming the epic and never-ending national anthem Himno Nacional Uruguayo we have Uruguay’s Antonio Michelatti

Whilst in the simple yet stunning black and white leiderhosen combo, standing sipping the super-strength lager from his moustache, we have YopMeister

Let the battle commence.

World Cup 2010 Sweepstake - Four-Play

Well Folks,

We’re getting to the pointy end of the jamboree that is the FIFA Budweiser-McDonalds-Sony-Samsung-Hyundai-Let’s-all-laugh-at-England World Cup and we now know the 4 teams that are going to compete for the semis. And of course the four lucky (by association) people from the 32 hope-filled participants of our Sweepstake that set off on this journey all those (what seems like) months ago.

As a reminder, here are the people still left in the sweep:

Natalie (Spain)

Ross (Holland)

“Yoppy” (Germany)

Andrew (Uruguay)

And prizes for 1^st, 2^nd, 3^rd and 4^th to be distributed as follows:

1^st 150.00
2^nd 90.00
3^rd 50.00
4^th 30.00

Working the night shift as I am this evening and with less than two hours until kick-off, I’ve taken the opportunity to take a break from chasing, plucking and counting chickens whilst breathing in the discharge of the “rendering process” (whatever that may be) to have a look at what we have learned since the last update and to preview the upcoming semi-finals.

Hardly seems worth the while considering you’ll all know by the time you read these words who has already won the first semi but seeing as most of you have paid into the Sweepstake (Sidey – looking at you mate!), I figured what the hell, I might as well try and give you some value for money, right?

Well – for a start, all those people that have been saying “It’s a South American Cup” (believe me – there have been some) are now probably scurrying under a rock, burying themselves with great gusto into Wimbledon (but hasn’t that finished already?) or for a brave (but deluded) last few pledging they're allegiance firmly on the Last Great South American Latin Hope that is....erm....Uruguay.

Bye-bye Brazil – seems you weren’t that good after all. Maradona – the South American version of a leprechaun on smack - managed to give “Ze Germans” a massively ill-conceived motivator in the pre-match press conference. Well Diego, as you go home to a rapturous welcome from a surprisingly easy to please Buenos Aires population, you can comfort yourself with the realisation that perhaps “Ze Germans” weren’t that “nervousssh” after all. Indeed, like the cars that hail from the Fatherland, the German football team continues to run like the well-oiled machine they generally are at these tournaments. And oh how that annoys the English.

Yes, the match-up with Spain in the second semi-final looks like it is going to be a cracker. Especially considering the Spanish coach del Bosque, goalkeeper Pepe Reina, golden boot shoe-in David Villa, and (probably) Manuel from Fawlty Towers have all been saying (again) that Torres will unleash his hitherto undiscovered skills at finding the back of the old onion bag in Spain’s upcoming match.

I can hardly wait.

But hey – perhaps an awful World Cup will keep the vultures from taking Liverpool’s prized asset away from us....even if it means my extremely misguided 5 dollar bet on him to win the Golden Boot has proven to be an over-enthusiastic heart over-ruling a more than willing brain.

But back to tonight’s semi final. And here’s where the World Cup gets really exciting for Yours Truly and (at least four of) our sweepstake participants.

Now, I’m not (much of) a betting man but there’s something about the World Cup that brings out the “I can beat the Bookie” mentality in me. But, true to form, things have not been going.....er, well - to form.

So far, my friends at Centrebet.com have welcomed into their corporate, sweaty, slightly damp-smelling overcoat’s heaving pockets :

1. The aforementioned 5 dollar bet on Torres to be the leading scorer of the tournament. A player who is now, quite frankly, looking like a man that would struggle to score his ar5e on a barbed-wire fence
2. A 20 dollar bet on a draw between Germany and the Socceroos. How they must have p!ssed themselves at that one – great way to start ‘sticking it to the bookie’ that one
3. And then of course there was the cheeky 5 dollar bet on England to win......THE TOURNAMENT....... Well, I figured on the off chance that if they were going to do it and I had to listen to it for the next 50 years then I may as well gain financially from it

But then here comes the good news, for you see, not all my money (at least not yet) has gone Centrebet’s way and I’m sure their struggling to catch some zzzzzzz’s these days when they must realise that I still have a little bit of money out on a long lend in their bank account:

First, there’s the not so silly looking 20 dollar bet on Spain at 7-1 to win the tournament. Oh yes – that would cover my bets (and sweepstakes) that would. And still leave me with enough money to treat myself to a bottle of cheap sangria at the nearest Tapas bar.

However, as my dark horse punt, I placed a 5 dollar bet on Uruguay to win the tournament at ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE TO ONE!

Now wouldn’t that make the whole experience worthwhile?!

To the people that would say “ah but how can you cheer on a team that cheated to win the tournament?” I could give them 625 answers but for now, I’ll give them just the one....

“Está justo celoso. ¡Venga en Uruguay - permítanos golpe el Atasca-Llevando holandés!”

Of course, by now you’re all p!ssing yourselves because you already know that Uruguay, the nasty cheating team that they are, have been kicked out of the World Cup....

By a team full of players wearing fluoro and clogs.

And where else could that happen but at this great jamboree that we call the FIFA Budweiser-McDonalds-Sony-Samsung-Hyundai-Let’s-all-laugh-at-England World Cup?

World Cup 2010 Sweepstake - and then there were 8...

Well Folks,

The dust has settled on the group stage as well as the round of 16, leaving 8 brave teams (and of course, by association 8 of us) to fight it out for World Cup glory.

So what have we learnt so far in the 18 days of football, endless nights on the couch and the futile attempts to function in work the next day after depriving oneself of decent sleep for 3 weeks?

The nasal whine of Aussies the world over progressively increased in both pitch and length during their ultimately futile group stage efforts. As atrocity (the Germans opening a can of whoop ass on the poor Socceroos), followed atrocity (brave Aussie born-to-a-Samoan-mother-and-a-British-father-of-Irish-descent battler Timmy Cahill sees red as he is inexplicably sent off for a potential leg-breaker of a tackle), followed atrocity (Harry “sick note” Kewell rises from his death bed just long enough to make an impact on the World Cup.)

Although I’m sure the impact that everyone was hoping for wasn’t the red card that was given for the impact of his arm on the ball that prevented a certain goal as he made a more than decent impression of a goalkeeper. Which is quite ironic, considering he hasn’t impressed as a footballer since he left Leeds for Liverpool all those years ago)

But not content with these injustices, atrocity followed atrocity. Those pesky soon-to-be quarter-finalists, Ghana, failed to read the script and had the audacity to equalise against the brave 10 men of the Socceroos and despite the Socceroos actually playing some of their best football once their backs were to the wall as they faced World Cup elimination, Serbia scored and Germany couldn’t, undoing all the good work of the 2-0 lead that the brave Aussie lads had notched up previously.

World Cup hopes in the bin. Thanks for the memories, now rack off Pim!

Following their struggles against poor form, inept tactics, rash tackles, illegal goal-line clearances, and an undoubted vendetta from referees, FIFA and the world in general, there was only one thing left for the Aussies to do to cope with the injustice of what had happened.

Yes, shamelessly adopting the New Zealand team like they hailed from a hitherto unmentioned Australian state or territory and claiming them as their own (something they’ve been doing for years as Phar Lap, Split Enz, Russell Crowe and the poor pavlova would be only too willing to testify), as the All Whites defied their pre-tournament odds of 2500 to 1 and stuck it to Slovakia, Paraguay and reigning World Champions Italy no less.

Yes, the All Whites can hold their collective head high, as they return from a World Cup finals to their home land in the ar$e-end of the world undefeated.

Something their counterparts in the oval-shaped game have not been able to do since.....erm......

In every World Cup there are teams that surprisingly flounder and then there are others who – well – surprise. For every North Korean team that resolutely stifled a less than samba-ing Brazil there was a North Korean team getting flogged 7-0 by the Portuguese, a drubbing that I’m sure had their King of Political Spin, the dictator Kim Jong-Il rueing for quite some time. After the initially optimistic performance against Brazil he saw an opportunity to please the masses and decided to show – for the first time ever – a live football match on the one and only state-run propaganda television channel.

Lord knows what the masses thought as they watched their country getting thrashed on the world stage by a bunch of men with half the world’s supply of Bryclreem stuck to their heads.

For every Frenchman shrugging his shoulders, swearing, shouting at his manager and getting packed off home in disgrace, there were many more who did their talking on the pitch – by striking off the training pitch – and by the looks of their performances – on the football pitch as well, ensuring that they didn’t get too comfortable in their South African surrounds and were soon sent home (in economy class) to face the wrath of the French public – and its government.

Ably prompted by the White Caps, cheating, diving, boo-hiss and - let’s face it – reigning world champions Italy fared no better and were sent home, I’m sure, to face recriminations at Rome airport from many men dressed in Kappa tracksuits or designer suits and shades somehow managing to simultaneously hurl abuse with both hands, whilst shouting at the top of their lungs, gesticulating wildy, smoking on cigarettes and ordering a double-expresso delivery on their mobile phone whilst checking out the air hostesses.

Speaking of hostesses, the hosts, South Africa, diappointed but not as bad as was expected and at least they gave us the lasting memory of the vuvuzela. The less said about that the better.

Refereeing decisions were inconsistent and seemed to favour the big teams. Yet again. Conspiracy theories abound as USA! USA! USA! have two perfectly good goals disallowed, Argentina get away with an offside goal in the Round of 16 and Brazil at times look like they’re playing basketball rather than soccer. And then of course there is the Frank-Lampard-goal-that-never-was-in-a-sweet-revenge-for-1966-kind-of-way in England’s brave but futile attempt to beat Germany by allowing the Germans to run rings around them for two-thirds of the match in the hope that they would eventually tire out. Unfortunately, the only tired and burnt out image on show at the end of the game – apart from Capello’s withered features – was the England team itself as they trudged off the pitch.

Shakespeare himself would have struggled to write a better tragic comedy than the Ing-er-land football team’s performances at major finals for the past 44 years but surely had he dreamt up such a farce, even he couldn’t have come up with such a sad, insipid, anti-climax of an ending. The Golden Generation (as they like to be referred to) will now disappear into the sunset leaving the hopes of millions crushed at what might have been. No doubt the players shall try and console themselves during their retirement as they count their endless millions, peruse their air-shelters full of chavtastic bling-covered cars and search for sympahty in the form of the nearest airhead WAG-wannabe.

It’s all so unfair, isn’t it?!

And with that rather convoluted and contrived segue.....

Speaking of unfair – I have attached the updated spreadsheet containing the current standings that leaves 8 of you in the running for the big money.

Except - and here is where the “unfair” part comes in - there won’t be the “big money prizes” promised at the start of the competition because a few of you have still to pay their entrance fee of 10 dollars. So basically, this is the “name and shame in front of your peers campaign” - if you see your name with a red mark against it, then can you please respond by transferring the money into my account, or email me (not the whole group – we don’t want to pi55 off Lisa!) with other arrangements.

Thanks – and for those of you still in the game - why oh why couldn’t one of you have picked Greece instead of me?!