"All Boys Smell" - Discuss

It recently occurred to me that – strange as it may seem – perhaps not all of you out there are as madly interested in the trials and tribulations of being a Liverpool FC supporter as I may be.

If this applies to you, then this blog has been written with you in mind, but more specifically – this one has been targeted for the female readers out there amongst you, of which I hope there are many and with many more to follow.

You see, it is certainly not my intention to turn women off of my little corner of cyberspace with chat and banter of a football nature. Let’s face it - I don’t want to be accused of turning females off. After all, I have a reputation to live down to. Period.

(and that was just in the ‘period’ = ‘full stop’ sense, not in the other ‘womanly sense’ – just because I’m making my blog more female friendly, doesn’t mean I have to start banging on about that sort of thing)

So, in the hope of welcoming the fairer sex into the warm bosom of my blog, I’ve decided on the subject matter “All boys smell” for this particular blog entry. I’m not sure whether or not what I have to say will add credence to the argument or indeed will dispel it forever.

Naturally, being of the boyish persuasion myself I would hope it were the latter but the truth is I don’t know what I’m going to write, so just bear with me, while we see where this one goes. Isn’t this exciting?!!

Before I go any further - I’d like to put in a little disclaimer notice at the start of this blog entry:

Basically, if you ever have been or indeed perhaps currently romantically involved with me, perhaps it’s a good idea not to read on any further.

I mean – I am sure there are some nice alternative websites out there that you could go visit instead? (I’m thinking amazon.com to buy me some nice presents perhaps?).

[And there is yet another plug of a commercial website for which I get absolutely no financial reimbursement for whatsoever. This blog just really is a labour of love. *sigh*]

Anyway – on with the show!

“All boys smell” is a theory that a female friend has voiced on many a moment, usually in response to some unfortunate story where a female acquaintance has been given the proverbial elbow by some undesirable lothario with lust in his loins and a lump of coal for a heart.

So it’s not – as you may think – a reference to a general deficiency in male personal hygiene; although I would have to agree that are plenty of men who do indeed smell.

Badly.

But as I’ve said, it’s not man’s ability to smell like Ghandi’s flip flops on a particularly hot, humid day in Calcutta, but rather their ability to treat their women like, errr, shit that brings about the observation that “All Boys Smell”.

All this begs the question – is the fact that some girls have bad experiences with their men proof therefore that ALL boys smell? Indeed can the flip side of the argument – that “All girls DON’T smell” hold up to scrutiny?

I suppose that discussion should be left for another day.

Getting back to the topic in hand, I would have to beg to differ.

Quite strongly, in fact. (how does one strongly beg to differ? “Mug to Differ”?)

I can of course only speak for myself and in doing so, I therefore cannot claim to be speaking for the entire male race, but can I categorically state for the record that I, FOR ONE, DO NOT SMELL!!

Glad we got that straightened out.

I like women – I really do. I think they’re a great invention. In fact, I think that they’re right up there with HP Brown sauce, TV remote controls and those little cup holders you find in cars.

Soft to the touch, pleasing on the eye, all curves and fluttering eyelids – the female form is a joy to behold. And the thing is – women know this. They know that man cannot live on bread alone. If there’s a chance that he can get a ‘bit of loving’ thrown in with his daily slice then man will dine as heartily as a Belgian who has just found out that the bedpan full of mussels that he’s dining on are a volenté.

But does all this mean that we, as a race, smell?

In my experience, women can be just as bad as us guys when it comes to the “dating game” for want of a better description.

I think I can safely say that we are all, in general, looking for the same thing from life. We all want to treat people nicely and be treated nicely in return and I really do try and do that. In the past I know I have been guilty of hurting people but I never, ever did it on purpose. Indeed I spend too much of my life trying to do the right thing and I have to admit that it gets me into all sorts of bother.

Of course you only have my word for it that what I say is true, but I feel the special bond of trust is forming between us and am sure that you’re all with me on this one.

I can almost feel the love - a cacophony of amorous affections as it were. Heart-felt emotions stirring within us as I, “The Writer”, write and you, “The Reader”, read. Like two star struck lovers dancing slowly and closely together, aware only of each other’s presence and the magnetic attraction that holds them together, the focal point of the attraction being deep within their souls….

Fuck it – I’m horny – anybody wanna shag?!

You see – ALL BOYS DON’T SMELL!

*ahem*